martes, 8 de junio de 2010

El infierno de Dante conduce al paraiso


Mirar hacia el sol con los ojos cerrados produce la sensación de hallarse envuelto en una nebulosa rojiza. Un limbo donde habitan fetos en gestación y la vida exterior es filtrada por el calor materno.

Tras siete meses de invierno, contemplar al termómetro rebasar los veinte grados es idílico. La radiación ultravioleta resulta indiferente a los cuerpos que por fin abandonan el solárium, ansiosos por temperaturas sofocantes al ras del césped.

Al incorporarme, la primer imagen en invadir mis ojos es la de una mujer asoleándose en ropa interior. Me ruborizo víctima de los convencionalismos: mientras los bikinis son la última instancia entre la piel y el verano, prendas como sostén y trusa traicionan la intimidad del cuerpo al exponerse en público.

Mi introducción a la lencería llegó a los nueve años: permanecía parado a un lado de la profesora mientras ella revisaba mi tarea, cuando un botón de su blusa escapó súbitamente del ojal; ella no lo notó, ante el temor de una reprimenda inmerecida o el rubor indeseado de ambos, guardé silencio y opté por un voyeurismo instantáneo que aún persiste en mi memoria.

En el primer encuentro carnal de mi existencia, conceptos como firmeza o flacidez no tuvieron cabida. Lo esencial era ese fragmento de piel blanca ceñida por una prenda igualmente importante: el brasier adornado con holanes en su borde. La escena erótica carecía de libido; el deseo sexual fue superado por el ímpetu de romper con la moral y contemplar lo prohibido.

El Jardín de las Delicias es la antesala del infierno en el famoso tríptico abierto de El Bosco. A pesar de la aparente intención moralizante de la obra, situada por especialistas entre 1480 y 1490, resulta fascinante la interpretación que el pintor realizó sobre la lujuria, mostrando a la pecaminosa humanidad sucumbir ante el deseo sexual con prácticas que aún hoy provocan a sectores conservadores. Vicios privados, virtudes públicas.

Pero yo no me hallaba en el Museo del Prado ni era parte de ese jardín bosquiano; mi locación era el parque de St. Hanshaugen y aunque en el ensimismamiento contemplaba el espectro de mi profesora, frente a mí tenía a una mujer desconocida en ropa interior. Tal vez porque mi mirada clavada en sus senos carecía de lujuria que condenar, me observó dubitativa y sonrió por desidia.

Regresé la sonrisa con un dejo de inocencia similar al que me acompañó a los nueve, conteniendo las ganas terribles de decirle que me encantaría tenerla de maestra ahí, sólo un instante, en el edén citadino de una tarde sofocante en Oslo, para hurtar fragmentos de su palidez y sus prendas íntimas.

Me recosté nuevamente y cerré los ojos para mirar al sol, pero una ilusión óptica invadió mi campo visual: la silueta blanca de la trusa y el brasier sobre el cálido fondo del verano. La retrospección a la blusa desbotonada se convirtió en un péndulo que osciló desde la ausencia del apetito sexual en mi infancia, hasta la evolución lúdica del deseo convertido en fetichismo.

Abrí los ojos en sigilo para confirmar los holanes en los bordes de su piel, pero ya se había marchado. Refugié mi fracaso como sastre del deseo en los poetas malditos, acudiendo particularmente a Rimbaud que sugiere atajos para alcanzar el infierno. No conseguí el descenso: la tarde empezó a agonizar con una puesta de sol sin prisas.

Nunca me enamoré de mi profesora. Nunca voy a olvidarla.

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